The Whole Bit
by konekobombay
Summary: What's the first thing you do when something really funny or strange or cool happens to you? you tell your best friend all about it. which is exactly what omi does. warning: a little bit of language. R


The Whole Bit  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz or any of the characters in it. I'm broke so don't bother suing me.  
  
A/N: Well guess what? I had another dream, this wasn't it but the dream is what inspired this so hear ya go. And yes Omi and Nagi are friends in this; just assume that the other members of their teams are clueless.  
  
*****  
  
"Moshi, moshi" the thick German accent came over the phone.  
  
"Hi, is Nagi there?"  
  
"Yeah, hang on a sec. NAGI!! PHONE!" The German yelled for the youngest Schwartz member.  
  
"I got it Schu." Said Schwartz member replied picking up the phone, The German then hung up, having better things to do today then listen in on Nagi's conversations and get slammed into a wall for it later.  
  
"Hi Nagi." The youngest Weiss member said sweetly.  
  
"Hi Omi," Nagi returned. "How'd it go?" The young blonde sighed in response.  
  
"Nagi, how long do you have?"  
  
"A while, why?"  
  
"Cause it's a really long story and I don't want to get stopped in the middle."  
  
"Shoot." Another sigh followed.  
  
"Ok, here we go. The mission started out fine, just like any other mission, It was simple enough, get in, kill the target get out, no problem right?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Ha! I wish. We're all set up in our respective places throughout the building I download the files then crash the computer, Yohji covers me, Aya's got the target, and Ken covers him. No biggie. Well, Yohji thinks he sees someone and tells me 'I'm gonna go check it out.' so I say Ok and he leaves. Apparently though, the Target had some how found out we were there. I found out on the way home that Yohji had seen a guard, which he killed, but that was later any way. So Yohji's gone and I'm sitting there minding my own business just downloading the files when I hear something behind me, assassin skills kick in, I turn around to be faced with a gun. Who's holding that gun? The target that's who."  
  
"First thing he dose is grab the communications device of my ear and smash it. I thinking something along the lines of 'shit' right about then. He tells me to turn around and there's no way I'm gonna argue because, well he's got a gun, and I don't. So I turn around and he grabs one of my cables and uses it to tie my hands behind my back. My own cables for Christ sake! He tied them tight too, I still got marks on my wrist."  
  
"Then he forces me to sit down and holds his gun to my head and says the typical 'who are you, what are you doing here, bla bla bla.' It's not like I'm gonna give him a real answer so I say what I was trained to say. 'I am Weiss, bla bla bla.' And obviously this gets him mad, and he asks me 'what the hell that's supposed to mean, you'd better give me a real answer this time,' and the whole bit. Well just about then Yohji gets back, He looks shocked and rather confused, ya know looking back on that now, it was a rather amusing expression. I wonder what Ken and Aya looked like when he told them.?"  
  
"I'm sure it would've been hilarious." The brunette replied.  
  
"Yeah, probably," Omi returned with a chuckle in his voice. "So any way, where was I?"  
  
"Yohji just came back."  
  
"Oh yeah, so in comes Yohji, and the target absolutely flipped when he saw him! He started yelling and screaming at him to get out right now or he'd blow my head off and he just HAD to emphasize this by jamming that stupid gun into my head. Got a bruise there too, but that's beside the point. Anyway, under normal circumstances Yohji would've just acted like he was going to leave then through his wire at the last second and killed the guy, but for some reason he didn't. I didn't find out till later why that was, but apparently he had broken his wire while fighting that guard he ran off for in the first place, and the wire was jammed in the watch."  
  
"So yeah, he left. I think he went and found the others cause next thing I know I hear Aya yelling from the other side of the door at the target that, and I quote, 'If you kill him,' Him being me obviously, 'then you will die a slow and very painful death.' To which the target replies, 'You're going to kill me any way why shouldn't I kill him?' Ken responds with 'That's the difference between a swift and painless death, and a slow and agonizing one!' which was followed by a rather loud 'OW!' from the same voice, so I'm assuming either, Aya or Yohji or maybe both, hit him for that comment."  
  
"In any case the target didn't shoot me, and the others didn't come in, at least not yet. So what am I supposed to do, just sit there and wait for some one to come and rescue me or for the target to shoot me? See which happens first? I think not. I may not be the strongest member of my team but I'm not some weak little five-year-old girl who can't do anything to help herself. So I decided to help myself out a bit, see if I can't get rid of that gun. I quickly drop to my back and swing my legs up to kick the gun out of the guy's hand. Unfortunately, I missed. And so now the guy was mad at me for trying to kick him. He decided about then that tying my legs together probably wouldn't be such a bad idea, so he did. My ankles have bruises too, did I mention that yet?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Ok well they are. So now I'm sitting there with my ankles AND wrists tied together, my wrists behind my back. I'm thinking, 'well now what?' the others didn't seem to be making any kind of move and the target was getting more edgy by the minute. Then I remembered the throwing knifes I'd stitched into the hem of my jacket, I knew they'd come in handy some day, I could use them to cute the cables if I could get them out with out the target noticing. So I started working them out he almost caught me, but luckily he didn't notice, so I started to cut the first cable on my wrists. About half way through the first line of cable I slipped and cut my hand, I managed to bite back the yelp and curse that were in my throat but I couldn't stop myself from dropping the knife which clattered on the tile floor. Well that got his attention. He came over to me to see what I was doing and found the knife. He wasn't pleased to say the least, he grabbed the knife and held it up to my throat."  
  
"At that moment, I honestly thought I was going to die. I thought he was going to cut my throat and I would know exactly what my targets felt when I cut their throats. But he didn't cut my throat, instead the used the knife to cut my shirt open."  
  
"He what?"  
  
"He cut my shirt open"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I was getting there, be patient."  
  
"You really love dragging these things out, don't you Omi?"  
  
"Of course, it makes the story better that way."  
  
"You sure you're supposed to be an assassin not a writer?"  
  
"He he he!"  
  
"Just tell the story already."  
  
"As you wish. So he cut open my shirt, then he grabbed another cable and tied my wrists again. I'm thinking 'Oh, god, he's not going to kill me, he's going to rape me, THEN kill me!' But he didn't. Instead he walked across the room and dug through a closet for a minute then he returned with what looked like some sort of cloth in his hand, some sort of PINK cloth, which he drops beside me. He then proceeded to use my knife to cut off the rest of my shirt and jacket. When I asked him and I quote, 'what the hell' he was doing he told me to shut up and he went for my pants."  
  
"Now, tied together legs or not, there was know way he was getting my pants. So I kicked him again, only harder this time and in a more delicate place. He fell over and I started to slide away from him, but having my hands and feel tied together didn't much help that and he was on his feet again before I got more then 4 feet away. He bent down and grabbed the pink thing, which was starting to look suspiciously like a dress, and walk towards me again. He told me that if I didn't quit fighting him he was going to really hurt me, then he started preaching about how he really didn't want to do that, to which I'm thinking 'bullshit.'"  
  
"He sat down on my legs, probably so I couldn't kick him anymore, and then slipped the pink material over my head and down till it was bunched up at my waist, then lifted it up again but under my arms instead of over them this time. My suspicions were confirmed when he started tying the strings together over my shoulders, it was in fact, a dress."  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Shut up! It's not funny!"  
  
"Yes it is! Hahahahahahahahaha!"  
  
"No it isn't!"  
  
"Hehehehehe. sure Omi, what ever you say, heheheh, continue your story please."  
  
"Che, whatever. The top was kind of like that brown shirt I have, where it ties above the shoulders, then the bottom flared out, and it was short, it probably would've only come to about my knees if I was standing. So look at me, I'm wearing a pretty pink summer dress! Then that guy has the nerve to go for my pants again! I try to kick him again but as I said before, he was sitting on my legs. So after wrestling with me for a moment, he finally managed to cut of me shorts. I still don't know how he managed to do it with out cutting me but he did."  
  
"But it's not like I'm just gonna sit there quiet in this pretty dress, no way! I started yelling at him asking him what the hell he had to change my clothes for! He actually had a decent answer surprisingly enough, he told me that my other clothes had weapons and he didn't want me to escape, he even apologized about the dress but said it was the only thing there was and it was either that or I could run around naked."  
  
"So what are you thinking during all this?"  
  
"What am I thinking? I'm thinking about three things, the first is 'Gee ain't he nice? Letting me wear a pink summer dress instead of going around naked.' the second is 'I really wish Aya would get into one of his the mission is the top priority, bust in here and kill the target moods, so that I can get killed already.' and the third is 'dresses are REALLY uncomfortable.' mind you that first thought is sarcastic."  
  
"Of course, then what happened?"  
  
"Then nothing happened, not for a few minutes at least, I sat there thinking while the guy sat watching the door. But suddenly our quietness changed because Ken dropped out of one of the air vents and Yohji kicked in the window flying in with the broken glass. The target spun around and aimed his gun at Ken and just a second later Aya came bursting through the door, running right for the target. Something got in his way though."  
  
"."  
  
"."  
  
". Are you gonna tell me what it was?"  
  
"Actually, I think I'm gonna go get online."  
  
"OMI!"  
  
"I'm kidding I'm kidding! Jeeze Naoe you take things to seriously."  
  
"Just tell me already."  
  
"Ok, Ok, demanding aren't we?"  
  
"Omi."  
  
"I gotta get you back for laughing at me right?" Nagi sighed on the other end and Omi smiled "So, something got in his way, that something was Manx.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The something, it was Manx."  
  
"What was Manx doing there?"  
  
"That's what we were all thinking. Aya stopped before he hit her and gave her a questioning look, she smiled and said, 'Good work Weiss, you've passed the test.' We all blinked, yes all of us, even Aya."  
  
"You're lying."  
  
"Ok so maybe Aya didn't blink, but the rest of us did."  
  
"Knew it."  
  
"So ANYWAY, We'd passed the test. The whole point of the whole mission was to kidnap me to see how we'd all react and if we could manage to get our teammate back and still kill a target. The whole thing was a set up."  
  
"You're kidding"  
  
"I'm dead serious. The guards, the target, all of it. And the guards that we killed weren't dead either, they just looked dead, they were trained to do that. What I didn't understand is why they had to put me in a pink summer dress, and I asked Manx as much, her reply: 'Oh that was just for fun, besides, you look cute in it, it's very flattering on you.'"  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" pause for breath, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"It's NOT funny Nagi!"  
  
"Yes it is you had to wear a dress for no reason other then because they thought it'd be fun! If that's not funny I don't know what is!"  
  
"Yeah well if you think that's funny you'll love this, Ken and Yohji decided that I looked so pretty in the dress that if we ever needed a girl on a mission, I'm the one who gets to cross dress."  
  
"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Poor Omi. I'm sorry."  
  
"No you're not."  
  
"You're right, I'm not."  
  
"Che, why do I even bother?"  
  
"Don't worry Omi, it's not so bad, Schu and Farf already decided that about me when the dressed me up while I was sleeping. We're in the same boat here."  
  
"Wait a second, they what?"  
  
"Uhhhh. Oh hey look at the time, I really better go, homework to do you know. I'll talk to you later Omi, bai."  
  
Click  
  
Omi sighed, "You just wait tell the next time we talk Naoe, you can't hide for ever."  
  
Click  
  
~Owarii~  
  
*****  
  
A/N: well you do you guys think? Did you like it? I know it switched back and forth from past to present tense even though Omi was telling about the passed when he talked, but that's just how it seemed like he'd talk to me. And I know the title's not the greatest, but I couldn't think of anything else. So review, Onegai! 


End file.
